i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize