I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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