When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
