after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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