I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
