The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
