I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
