now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
