Jerry, you need to find god
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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