Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
