3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Randomize
