A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
