Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
