i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
