That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
