Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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