No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
