Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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