I'm so fucking centered right now
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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