No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
