I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
