speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
