Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
