Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
