u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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