We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
