I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
