my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
