You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
