you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
