I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
This girl is more easily done than said...
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
