I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
