my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
