Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
