and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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