Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
