our cab driver is having phone sex.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
