nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
oh god the rape fog is back!
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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