Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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