either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
