Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

I must be too annoying 4 u.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before

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(604): View more from British Columbia

Do you have a shampoo for semen

(604): View more from British Columbia

Or a time machine

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(302): View more from Delaware

Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house

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(702): View more from Nevada

No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.

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(516): View more from New York

That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.

(1-516): View more from New York

yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.

(516): View more from New York

Do you have to put it that way?

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(816): View more from Missouri

... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.

(314): View more from Missouri

I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.

(336): View more from North Carolina

THAT'S MY GIRL

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(256): View more from Alabama

He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying

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