I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize