Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
