I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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