3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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