I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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