The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
