I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
