Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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