I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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