Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
