i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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