remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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