i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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