I accidentally had phone sex last night
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
