you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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