Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
