return my video game
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
