mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
im having a threesome with these popsicles
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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