My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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