I murdered the dance floor call the cops
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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