I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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