You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
