Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
