It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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