He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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