I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
