girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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