I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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